Hello, darkness

Sleeplessness has become a problem for me. I fall asleep easily, then I’m awake in the middle of the night consumed with worry, then I fall back asleep. If this happens on one of the two mornings the alarm isn’t set, then I sleep in and do fine; if it’s not, then I’m in for a long, weary day.

There are a lot of things in my life to worry about. My wife’s health, my father’s health, my own health; the next-door neighbors who take drugs and bicker all day; whether I have the time and skills to do all things that need doing around the house.

I used to think that if I solved these problems then I’d sleep at night, but I don’t think that anymore. I think of worries as sort of a dark amorphous cloud that descends first, then finds something to focus on- and there will always be something.

That’s life.

We’re brought up in sort of Freudian universe, where every effect has a cause and every problem has a solution, but I’m starting to believe that world view is false.

Sometimes things just are. That’s just the way it is.

2 Comments

  1. I know you’re not looking for an instant cure . Sometimes life just sucks and we can get in a hopeless loop where hope seems totally impossible. But remember the things you HAVE gone through–things where you were most likely at the end of any hope. All things really do pass. But none of us have a free pass. It’s just allowing ourselves that time to process everything in life and know each day gives us a new chance.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sleep is opposite of effort.

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