Sleeplessness has become a problem for me. I fall asleep easily, then I’m awake in the middle of the night consumed with worry, then I fall back asleep. If this happens on one of the two mornings the alarm isn’t set, then I sleep in and do fine; if it’s not, then I’m in for a long, weary day.
There are a lot of things in my life to worry about. My wife’s health, my father’s health, my own health; the next-door neighbors who take drugs and bicker all day; whether I have the time and skills to do all things that need doing around the house.
I used to think that if I solved these problems then I’d sleep at night, but I don’t think that anymore. I think of worries as sort of a dark amorphous cloud that descends first, then finds something to focus on- and there will always be something.
We’re brought up in sort of Freudian universe, where every effect has a cause and every problem has a solution, but I’m starting to believe that world view is false.
Sometimes things just are. That’s just the way it is.