Archives

Fascism 101

Manufacturing a crisis in order to invoke emergency powers is something we’ve seen before. It didn’t end well.

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Statistical Anomalies

We traveled through La Guardia airport over the holidays, and the TSA “randomly” selected my Lebanese wife for a pat down. She was the only one I saw “randomly” selected.

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It occurred to me that if life is eternal, then Jesus didn’t really “sacrifice” anything.  He just had a really bad day. And I don’t mean that as a dig at Christians.  I was just thinking how much better things could be if more of us were willing to have a Really Bad Day every …

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Probably the worst place to build a house would be directly over the North Pole or the South Pole, because literally every room would be in a different time zone.  It would be impossible to coordinate anything, because everybody’s watch would say something different. I’m experiencing terrible insomnia lately, but the payoff is in thoughts …

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I turn on the porch light for the moths when it rains.  They are attracted to the light, and find shelter from the storm. It’s like lighting a tiny lighthouse.

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The East Texas State Fair has instituted a tough “no tobacco” policy.  Beginning this year, patrons will literally be searched at the gate, and if they find a pack of cigarettes they will confiscate it. You will be relieved to know that they still allow handguns.

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Bloodbath

People forget what an extremist Ronald Reagan was. He wasn’t a kindly old man who told funny stories, he was a demagogue who wanted to end political unrest by slaughtering all the hippies: “If it’s to be a bloodbath, let it be now.” Later he claimed that “bloodbath” was just a figure of speech. I’ve …

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If Donald Trump is ever called to testify, listen for the sound of steel balls clacking together.

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At some point Serena Williams’ new daughter is going to say, “But Mo-om!  All the other kids are doing it!” and it will be interesting to see how she responds.

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Special

If you could travel back in time and kill Hitler as an infant, would you? I’ve been asked that question before, and my answer is always “It wouldn’t matter.” The question presupposes that Hitler was a remarkable, irreplaceable human being, and I don’t think that’s accurate. I think he was an idiot. And in an …

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The worst part of every celebrity death is the inevitable Condolence Tweets.

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Paisley

Grief is a weird thing. It can hit you out of nowhere. I was in Stein Mart last week and found a wonderful paisley shirt, and as I was heading towards the checkout it suddenly hit me that the only other person who would be as excited about this shirt as I was would have …

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